Marriage/शादी/विवाह/लग्न

Whatever is expressed here are going to be my personal opinions and has nothing to do with anyone else. And why I am writing this is definitely a curiosity for many or most who will be reading it, so please use your imagination to figure it out.
What is marriage and why do we get married?
Every girl is skeptical to get married, this is my experience with almost all the girls whom I know and it will be a sufficient number to be taken for statistical consideration, so no questions on that I hope. Till now I have not come across a boy who is really worried about getting married but number will not be zero for sure.
Reason for this jitters are different and typically are .
1. How will I be able to adjust to new place new people?
2. How will he/his family treat me?
3. Why should I leave my parents?
4. What will be relation like?
5. Will I be forced to do things, which I don’t want to?
6. What if I differ on opinions with him/his family?
7. Plans for baby?
8. How is his behavior and relations with female colleagues?
9. How much space are you willing to give to each other?
These are typical questions in a girls mind considering Indian marriages. Last three questions are common for both boys and girls.
Following are few questions which are from boys’ side.
1. Will she treat my parents properly?
2. Will she adjust with my family?
3. How is she in nature and behavior?
These are typically questions related to arrange marriages as many of us are not privileged to experience love marriage. But in love marriages also these questions come and transition of boyfriend/lover into husband is a cause of worry for many.
I will try to put forth what I have been sharing with my fairer sex friends and recently with one of my male friend. This will address to some of the questions put forth above.
Let us start with what is marriage?
Why there is a need to get married?
Is it license required to have sex?
Is it mandatory need of so called human society?
What is it?
See marriage, whether it is arranged or love or love cum arrange is a decision after both involved feel yes we can take it forward.
Yes, many a times this decision is taken by others or individuals are forced to take or accept this decision but situation has improved drastically.
As per me, marriage is an understood decision taken by two individuals to stay together for life time, to be able to take care of each other and related ones.
Sounds full of expectations, isn’t it?
Actually it is not.
I strongly feel marriages have to be worked out and they can certainly be worked out, if you want them too. Parting away is always is an easiest option to choose but is it worth exercising for the reason, is the vital issue.
Any kind of marriage may it be love or arrange or love cum arranged has to be worked out. Seems weird or a bit difficult to digest, but yes it is true. People who are डूबे हुए in एक दूसरे के इश्क में, have to work, in fact much harder as the statement “शादी के पहले तो तुम ऐसे नहीं थे|” starts playing a major role.
After marriage you start to share place and start staying together, you start crossing each other’s spheres ‘n’ number of times in a day. Before you were married this sphere of yours was not interfered that much and definitely not in person so it’s the primary cause of turbulence. This crossing results in some friction and wherever there is friction; energy in the form of heat is generated and this starts to cause wear. 1



Best way to resolve this kind of situation realizing and confronting to each other that this is what is happening and this is troubling me rather than waiting for partner/spouse to realize on his/her own and act. It’s not always the case that spouse/partners are not bothered about issues but many a times they are also trying but direction is not appropriate. It’s simple vector algebra that their efforts may lead to aggravate the situation rather than soothing it. So helping you loved one to resolve the issue is best solution. Here understood truth which is not so much understood many a times is that “Marriage is an association for years, your one time effort may give you returns for life time (such type of returns if available in financial market will be a tremendous success)”
Marriage is a new beginning of a family where two grownups begin leading a family their way. Here word ‘two’ is a bit tricky one as many a time or most of the time this leading is done by boy only. As even though today’s girls are working self dependent but when it comes to being a part of decision making tend to back or buckle out. I must admit this situation is changing but reality needs to be acknowledged. This kind of tendency is right wrong is altogether a different issue but this approach is totally against so called ancient definition of marriage which is “पति और पत्नी सहजीवन या संसार के दो चक्के हैं|”
Somehow we as in the whole society have lost our real values and started perceiving those values which were found to be suitable by the respective generations. This process is leading to a generational filtration of customs and traditions. This is enjoyed by a part of society and other cries over it.
Coming back to the original issue, there has to be equality and I suppose this is the best opportunity to filter out some bad traits in either of the families (boys or girls). It’s a new beginning and hence implementation is easier. Change means friction and hence dialogue is important.
Today mostly both the spouse are working as average education level has gone up along with the need for money generation to lead a happy life and run household. This generates a unique issue which was not there in previously and that is ‘Space/ freedom/room’.
A few years back working women was a rare scene, which has changed drastically now. But still the majority of the workforce is male. This creates a unique problem of ‘colleagues/friends’. This is mostly an issue with male side (wives friends and colleagues) as mostly women are not authorized/ empowered to have an objection. This statement of mine will obviously raise few concerns. In any case either of women r of men, objection on friends and colleagues will have a gradual increasing trend like from being suspicious to cynical. This certainly needs trust on your partner and which can again be built by sharing communicating. A solution which I feel is effective cross interaction of groups. After all a marriage links two families so why not friend circles and colleagues. So respect each others friends and see miracles happening.
Many times in-laws are a concern which again a changing scenario from B/W Lalita 2 is being cruel mother–in-law. But still for a girl it’s like she has to leave her place and settle in other world. It’s certainly not easy but still she feels she will succeed in it with help of her biggest hope that the person for whom she is doing so, will stand by her all the time. If she does not get the kind of support she needs or desire, she starts to hold back herself, again a sort of deceleration and hence friction.
The concern about in-laws these days are from both sides from girls as well as of boys. Many girls want independent life so no disturbance is desired from ageing and bed ridden parents which mostly turn out to be not her but spouses parents. This kind of situations certainly need some tough handling and understanding to be given to the girl and if required to the boy too. Many times as due to job issues couple has to live in other city from that of in-laws. This creates a race and a balancing act about sharing holidays and vacations.
सोचे तो बहोत कुछ हे वरना कुछ भी नहीं
After all above and to summaries marriage is ‘us’ so to have a meaningful us both constituents need to be happy and playing their roles.
Best quote I have come across is :
“A marriage cannot be termed successful until the husband and wife understand what either of them have not said.”
Ultimately marriage is the process of falling in love with the same person again and again.
I have preached share/ communicate as a solution to everything. This can be utilized by a telecom company for sure: D

Reference :
1: For further in depth effects of wear please refer Tribology book by
J. Williams, Engineering Tribology, Oxford science Publication,1994, pp.166-199.

2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lalita_Pawar

Amarprem 2050

Few Notes:

Special effects are given in brackets please read them and appreciate them with background music considering situation.

Special thanks to my kid sis the one and only “Kido” who conceptualized this idea. Thanks to her without her this story wouldn’t have been what it is today.

Let the Karisma begin

It is said love stories are made heaven, but definitely this one was made on earth.

You would have never heard of never thought of not even in your wildest of the dreams.

Year 2046, city Mumbai (don’t dare to think or call it Bombay: P, its amchi Mumbai)

Sanks (Sashank Kisan Singh), a young vibrant dude from Kasaldih, some where in Jharkhand (Never heard of this place me too: P, Hero has to be from an unknown place where it seems to be a small place but turns out to have multiplexes, Snowy Mountains ……)

Sanks ( k is silent its Sanss) is a software designer (2050 version of current software professionals, these guys do only a bit advanced job of designing some complex systems as world has moved really ahead) with TCS (had to be TCS :D) one of the leading software designing and product developing firm.

He has been working with the for significant long duration of 6 months for TCS (In those days it was a really long duration with technology and employment laws being so much employee friendly that you can change a job at your will with no compensation to be paid to employer1 )

Sanks works from his home using ‘Microsoft Virtual Interface World 2030 (MVIW 30)’ which allows you to work from your place and you can work with same ease as you would have in the office.

Using this tool you can do virtual shopping too like login and you can visit the virtual malls and tag the goods which you want and they are couriered to your place from manufacturers. This saved a lot of cost for malls and brought down cost of products too.

Sanks was surfing through malls looking for various items when he was done he went to the counter and was finishing payments when a girl collides with him and his connection gets interrupted. He checks through portal and sees status of his transaction to be complete so does not login again. He checks the list of list visitors there and reads “Kansk”, he could not actually see the girl who collided with him but he gets a feel that this is the one and with an effortless smile from some weird feeling he shuts the system down.

KansK (the last K is silent its Kansss)(Kanchan Sarang Kade) a young vibrant personality (to avoid debate over woman or a girl) of 24 with stunning looks to make any one look twice is a free lance fashion designer (These designers work free lance doing sketching in virtual 3D studios where you can select and buy or customize dresses). KansK a hard fighter has always wanted to lead her life her own way. Recently shifted to Mumbai, so without much of a knowledge about city. KansK got MVIW 30 with a confidence that she will be able to manage its settings and operation on her own without any need for help. With a lot of background study from net and visuals (2050 version of manuals it provides visuals for operating procedure so unanimously became “Visuals”)

She struggles a bit, finally feels it’s done and we can rumba roll (hip-hop term 2050 for let us start). She logs in and its working, she is really happy that she could do it on her own.

After finishing with her shopping at the time of disconnection she is not able to control her self to sustain jerk of interruption and collides with a guy and she was out of the connection.

After reconnecting to system she checks out for the guy with whom she collided but he could not be seen. After ensuring completion of transaction, she too leaves.

The real fun begins when orders are delivered to them at their respective places. To their surprise the ordered stuff are intermixed a girlish and boyish things (Actually by 2050 there is not much of the difference left between what a girl and a boy uses.)

Distressed Kansk starts cursing and bombarding customer care of MVIW 30, this is interrupted by visitor intimation at her place. She puts helpline on hold and with same irritation goes to check whose it. She finds a tall and lean guy standing there.

She suddenly becomes cautious about who might he be and what he wants.

He says “Excuse me, but I think our orders got mixed”

Kansk was like “What’s happening? Who’s this guy and how does he know about this?”

Judging from the complete befuddled expressions, he starts with an explanatory tone, “Hi, I am Sanks leaving upstairs; I was also doing shopping through MVIW 30 same times as you were I guess and we collided if you remember.”

With a bit of embarrassment Kansk says “Yeah!!!”

Sanks continues “I checked through delivery support team what actually happened, through logs I came to know that other packet was just delivered a floor below to me so I thought to check out myself to make it fast”

They both agree for the same but since the packets are so badly mixed, they get inside Kansks place and pour everything out on floor for sorting. After struggling for a while through stuffs and screaming “it’s mine to reduce moments of embarrassment” (even though its 2050 still some hesitation and diffidence remains between young generations specially Gals, YO India, Go India).

They started meeting quiet often then after as initially it was there lifts which used to stop one stop above than desired for Kansk and for Sanks it was one stop below than desired.

They enjoyed each other’s company very well and how time used pass they both were not counting.

It was six months after their first collision which lead to their first meeting Sanks was shopping at the same window when he gets a flasher on his Nokia Innovator² from Kansks. He abruptly disconnects and rushes to Hospital.

He searches through visitor’s guidance system at entrance and traces Kansk, ICU–I 234. He rushes towards lift with seriousness and thoughts lingering about “Why ICU?”

By the time he reached the ward. He could sense the tension in the air. An old couple was standing besides Kansks bed “probably her parents” he thinks. He is still not able to understand what has happened so all of sudden. Doctors are still checking her.

Suddenly doctors stop and tell parents “Sorry, she is no more it was very severe attack, we could not be of any help.”

For a second world seemed to have stopped for Sanks. He was totally lost into memories of Kansk when a brushing of someone against his shoulder brings him back to the reality. From nowhere he sees a guy almost of his age appearing and consoling Kansks mom whom Sanks assumes to be so because of her age and condition. The guy looks at Sanks, they have an eye contact for a fraction of second. Sanks senses a deep pain and feeling of a grave loss. But he could not understand who that guy was and why he seemed to be in such a devastated condition. But, Sanks himself being disturbed and being unknown leaves the room without any announcement and returns to his place.

Couples of days pass Sanks drudges himself through daily routine to keep his mind engaged. One day he returns home early. While going up he stops the lift at Kansks floor, he gets out, takes a couple of steps towards Kansk place. He reaches till door and realizes, there is someone inside and all of a sudden he rings the buzzer. A lady opens the door, whom he had seen at hospital, he thinks she must be Kansk mom. After a few moments of silence and exchange of puzzled looks he says “Hello aunty, I am Sanks , Kansks friend. I stay a floor above. I think you are Kansks mom. ”

“Come inside dear” she says to him. Not expecting and prepared for this he hesitates for a couple of moments. Sensing this Sanks mom says “Any trouble dear.”

Sanks comes inside, for the first time in absence of Kansk. Being very much disturbed by the silence in the house. He says “It was very much disturbing and totally unexpected.”

With this aunty loses control over her emotions and tears starts flowing. Sanks moves to sit in front of aunty to console her. After a wet few moments, aunty says “It was really very much sudden, Doctors said it was a very severe heart attack triggered by a medicine which she was taken a case in millions.” “Why it had to be my sweet daughter?” and aunty starts crying again.

“You should sue that medicine company for compensation”, I said with anger.

Aunty replied after few moments, “Many suggested same to DD, but he is not agreeing.”

“But, Why?” in same fit of anger Sanks almost shouted.

Aunty replied as per him “he can’t be compensated in any way for what he has lost.”

Gathering himself back Sanks realizes he has no clue who is this DD fellow and why he is behaving so.

But his thoughts are interrupted with loud crying of aunty, “DD and Kansk were going to be married next year.”

What this statement did to Sanks was like what a broom swing does to a web of a spider unexpected and total devastation. His tender dreams which would not have come to reality anyways with Kansks demise but this was like cutting and throwing dreams right from the roots or stage of inception.

He was brought to reality by a sort of soliloquy of Kansks mom, ‘It was Kansk who wanted to be on her own for some time, totally independent. As usual, DD did not say no to her.’

‘She moved to Mumbai from Chennai and agreed to leave at DD’s place.’ Kansk mom continued with sobbing voice.

Last line made Sanks go crazy, ‘This place belongs to DD, I never wondered how this place was being managed. Actually he was realizing there were many things that he had not wondered about. His brain was running a data fetch query through all the moments spent together. He was able to see many wondering, which made no difference now.’

His thoughts were interrupted by buzzer which Sanks mom went to attend.

DD enters with expression of placidness and stumbles after seeing Sanks sitting in living room. Kansk mom says ‘He is Sanks, Kansk used to hang out with him when she was here. He stays on the floor above. ’

DD give a mild smile and says ’Nice to meet you, I will join you in couple of minutes and goes inside.’

Sansks and Kansk mom sit in silence waiting for DD, ten fifteen minutes pass but still he did not come. Suddenly, Sanks gets up and says ‘Aunty, I will catch DD some time later, I got to go’ and before aunty could say anything he reaches for the door and leaves.

Days pass Sanks makes himself so much engaged that he didn’t have time to check on any of the updates of Kansk family and DD. This routine comes to halt one day when one day while going to work he notices few security guards struggling with someone or something lying road near main entrance. Strangely, Sanks feels like checking it out. To his surprise he sees DD lying on ground in total filthy state.

He leans forward lifts DD. With help of guards and luckily found key in DDs pocket, they move DD to his place. When he was about to leave he hears a whispers “Kansu dnt leave me alone, take me with you.”

On hearing this Sanks became stand still, what was going through his mind he was not able to understand. There were thoughts about Kansk, time which they spent together, her demise, his efforts to make himself neck deep busy, how he had wanted to run away from all these memories. But now everything was in front of him, as if nothing had ever changed.

Sanks drops his bag and sits down besides DD, looking at him. He takes out his Nokia innovator and types message “Will be on leave for today.” Just before sending it he makes a last moment changes “Will be on leave for a few days.”

Sanks moves into DDs place with necessary stuff from his place and starts taking care of DD. DD starts recovering with care taken by Sanks and regular medication. He starts recognizing Sanks , but being so weak he could not express himself. Sanks also continues same work with same dedication without any word or discussion.

Soon DD regains strength to get up and start talking. DD also never asks why Sanks was doing it all and for what. They communicate in single words of necessity with nobody questioning other. One day, DD holds Sanks hand and asks Sanks “Why?”

Looking back into eyes of DD, Sanks answers “ Kansks.”

World around them seems to go numb with this statement. DD hugs Sanks tightly, As if this was going to continue for eternity none of them asks of desires for a release from a tight hug. They part with wet shoulders.

They start leaving together. Down floor again becomes a happy bubbling floor.

After 6 months:

Civil court room registrar declares, Sanks weds DD ³ .

Hence they lived happily ever after.

:D :D :D

Glossary:

1: According to “Most Aspired & Sought Employer Labor Act (MASELA) 2025” based on similar terms of MNP bill 2009, you have to be minimum employed for a period of 27 days to avail employment benefits.

2: Nokia Innovator latest of the smart phones series its really smart you can wear it on wrist it keeps on tracking you and sends intimation about location to last five dialed no.’s about brief where about and brief description.

3: According to “Gay arrange marriages and adoption act (GAMAA) 2030”, gay couples are allowed to adopt child of any sex. Provided it has crossed feeding age.